When it comes to decision-making time for athletic recruits, it can be a stressful experience. Most coaches come off as intense, and it can be nerve-wracking to interact with them, especially if you're giving them bad news. If you are shy, introverted, or someone who hates confrontation – like me – implementing these next steps will help ease that anxious feeling. 

Related: Picking a School and Team You Love

Technology is Your Friend
The good thing about the 21st century is all the technology you have at hand, allowing many ways to communicate with coaches and recruiters from afar. If you happen to live far away from the prospective school, a phone call will be your friend. It is one of the easiest ways to approach a scary situation, like turning someone down. 

With phone calls, it's helpful to write up what you want to say, so you're prepared. If you had to pick between a text, call, or email, a phone call goes a long way. Coaches prefer to speak to you; it shows that you genuinely respected their time by taking time out of your day to let them know. 

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If you're not ready to face the phone call, do it over email or text. Sending an email would be preferable if you have not yet built a relationship with the coach. However, if your conversation is often over text and you're comfortable with the coach, by all means, use that method. This gives you a lot of time to write out what you're going to say, and not feel the pressure of someone staring at you or hearing the silence on the other end of the phone. 

The best way to approach the email is to be sincere and authentic. Tell them that you appreciated their time, but you have decided to go another way. It doesn't have to be a super long explanation, but you should end on good terms. Never burn a bridge with someone who took a chance on you. You never know if you may need them in the future; you might just decide to transfer. 

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Face to Face
Some athletes know exactly what their decision is by the end of the unofficial or official visits. Something about the atmosphere or the coaching staff feels off, and you want to go another route. If this were the case, honesty is your friend. Don't lie to them or yourself. Most coaches won't cause a scene or continue to badger you. It is important to remember, just like over the phone, to let them know you appreciate their time. 

When in-person, rejecting someone can be very scary. In these situations, you should take your time and focus on what you want to say. You can always excuse yourself to the bathroom for a breather. When you return, if you can communicate your thoughts, do so, and if not, tell them you need a few days to consider. You should never feel forced into making a decision right away. With any coach, communication is key, and it will go a long way.

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The Bottom Line
When it comes to being an introvert, confrontation may feel unsettling and awkward. The biggest thing to remember is to take a deep breath, be yourself, and think about how you would want to be addressed if you were in the coach's position. This communication early on will help a lot when you are a college athlete and need to converse with your coach and teammates. 

If you are an introvert, you should take this as a learning experience and practice for the upcoming four years, and life after college. In the end, coaches are people too; they deserve honesty and authenticity from anyone they are recruiting. Coaches are very busy people, and when they take time to meet with you, come out to your games, or even send a text or call, it shows their investment in you. Better to be upfront than to make up an excuse or lie. 

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* Originally published on February 24, 2022, by Daesha Harper