Thanks, mom...

Recruiting Horror Story: The One Thing I Wish My Mom Never Did on my Recruiting Visit

By Madeleine Lundberg|Updated on June 27, 2023 (originally published on February 21, 2023)

Come back every Tuesday for Recruiting Horror Stories™, athletes' first-hand stories on what can go wrong during the recruiting process.

The recruiting process was both exhilarating and exhausting for me–the idea of getting to play the sport I loved in college excited me so much, but I found the task of reaching out to coaches to be quite stressful. It's like dating, but with colleges: you want the coach to like you and you want to show interest, but not too much, so that they think you're a hot commodity among like-minded coaches. And like in dating, things can become disastrous when parents overstep.

I started my recruiting process in my junior year of high school, and as I started the process, I slowly began to realize that my mom had done something that completely hijacked my chances of getting recruited to some of my favorite schools…

Good Intentions

My mom is undoubtedly my #1 fan: she comes to all of my games, and proudly cheers for me regardless of my performance. I love her, and I am so thankful for all of the sacrifices she has made for me so that I can pursue my dreams and play the sport I love at the highest possible level. We've flown across the country with my club teams to play at the largest national tournaments with the most college coaches there to watch. Once I told her that playing in college was my dream, my mom made it her priority to help me realize that goal.

Early into my junior year, I began to reach out to coaches. Because I was looking at the Division 3 level, I was not supposed to reach out to coaches until my junior year, and so once the time came around I was fully prepared to send out my information–I filled out countless recruiting questionnaires, scouring over every last detail of my information and spending hours reeling through game footage on Hudl to find the best moments to send to coaches.

So Far So Good?

After the first round of emails to coaches, to my excitement I received a few emails back, however almost all of them mentioned something strange–I was already in their recruiting database, so there was no need to add my new information. I found it strange, but I was so blinded by my elation at their response that I brushed it off. Maybe they had seen me at a tournament and added me to the database themselves.

As the year went on and my club season began, I started to see the coaches I had reached out to at tournaments, and I made it my goal to stand out to them. After one of my games, I nervously approached a coach who I had sent my information to in the fall. I stuck out my hand and introduced myself, and as soon as I said my name she gave me a curious look. “Hm,” she said, “is your mom the one who has been sending me all the emails? The last name sounds familiar.”

I completely froze. I had no idea what she was talking about, but I suddenly had a sinking feeling in my stomach. “I… uh… I don't know,” I stammered out in response. The coach chuckled and we continued our conversation, but I could not shake the uneasy feeling. As soon as we said goodbye, I sprinted over to my mom, who was standing on the sidelines, watching one of my competitors play. “Mom,” I said, trying to keep my voice calm, “have you been sending coaches emails for me?” My mom looked surprised, and responded, “Yes, I have! I thought you would be happy! I figured I should start talking to them for you before you're allowed to reach out yourself.”

Mom Knows Best?

I was dumbfounded. How could she be this ignorant?? While I understood her intentions were good, her execution was so poor. As a player, I always want to be communicating with coaches myself–especially because my parents won't be there to mediate every conversation I have with my coach once I enter college, they definitely should not meddle in the way I interact with them before I even get accepted. I felt as though I was being babied, and that the coaches I was trying to interact with now thought I was either spoiled and lazy because I had my mom do all the work for me, or not self-sufficient, or that my mom was crazy–and I honestly could not tell you which assumption is the worst.

I forced my mom to sit down with me and go through all of the college coaches she emailed so I could go through and email them myself, so they knew that I was perfectly willing and capable of reaching out to them on my own. Thankfully, I was able to salvage relationships with a few of the coaches, but some of them never responded to my emails.

Now that I am in college and can see the other end of the recruiting process through my coach, I especially can appreciate how important it is for parents to let kids contact coaches on their own. While my mom had the best of intentions, no coach ever wants a player who is spoiled or whose parents are too overbearing–it just becomes a hassle for them to deal with, and they would rather avoid it if they can. Parents can definitely help in other ways, like helping with college essays or going on college tours with their kids, but it is imperative that if you want to be recruited, you speak for yourself.

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