Joining a new team or new sport is tough as it is but feeling as if your coach is your enemy more than your ally is a whole other battle.
No athlete wants to deal with subpar coaching but it's essential for every athlete to learn how to manage a bad coach. Sometimes lessons like these happen through experience–this is mine.
A Rocky Start
In eighth grade I joined a soccer team called the Del Mar Sharks. My family and I were super excited for me to be a part of this team as it was the most competitive one I had ever been on. Our team would be playing against the best with a coach who was also well-known for his success.
Related: Talking to a Coach: 5 Questions to Ask as a Soccer Recruit
However, right off the bat, I noticed my coach had favorites. Most of the team had been together for years and he made me feel like I was impeding on that circle. I had gone from being a starter and main asset of a team, to being lucky to play maybe 15-20 minutes total per game.
Keeping My Head Up
At first I brushed it off. I had chosen to challenge myself by going up a level, so I had to earn that respect for playing time…except my hard work and willingness to learn was carelessly dismissed. I would watch my coach direct the other girls in a nurturing manner, like a proud parent wanting to see their kids succeed. He coached me like he had to because I was his athlete and he was paid to do so–certainly not an ideal situation for either of us.
At the end of the season my coach decided to cut me from the team. His reason was that I was too small. Yup–he straight up told my mom on the phone that I was too skinny and undersized to play with girls at that level. He also continued to tell her that I had no chance of competing in college because of my size.
Related: Fed Up: 3 Ways to Deal With Body Shaming In Sports
My spirit was crushed. Any fire I had left in me to continue playing had dimmed. I hadn't realized the emotional damage that coach had caused throughout the season until he delivered the biggest blow of all. The sad part is for a short time I believed that he was right: that I was too small and that there was no future for me in this sport. Feeling sorry for myself only lasted so long though.
A Happy Ending
Eventually, I went and found a team with a coach that valued me as a person and player. She helped me reconstruct my confidence while I also started to come into my body and fill out. Three years later in my junior year of high school, I was a starter on the varsity team. I helped my team bring home our school's first ever state championship that year. A year after that, I signed to run track at a Division I college. Funny thing is I am one of only two girls from that eighth grade soccer team to compete in college and the only one to go DI.
Look at me now, Coach Goran.
Related: The Daily Grind of D1 Soccer Player Maronne Suzuki
Dealing With Bad Coaching
Unfortunately, bad coaches are an uncontrollable and unavoidable part of sports whether you go D1 or not. There won't always be an option to switch teams or transfer so my advice is to learn how to manage the experience for what it's worth. They say life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it. Grab that 90% and seek out resolutions instead of settling for negative emotions.
Search for extra resources to help your game if the coach isn't willing to.
Put in that extra work for YOURSELF, not just to grab your coach's attention.
Most of all, be patient. See each coach as a stepping stone towards your goals.
There is some positivity in every experience with a coach as long as you use it to move in the right direction. My positive outcome was gaining the attributes of perseverance and grit early in my career. I refused to be defined by a coach trying to tell me my future at 14 years old. No person has a crystal ball to decide what your future self is capable of. So put the ball in your court and get your game on!
Have an idea for a story or a question you need answered? Want to set up an interview with us? Email us at [email protected]
* Originally published on February 7, 2023, by Gabby Scott
